People are so worried about what they eat between Christmas and the New Year, but they really should be worried about what they eat between the New Year and Christmas.

Now there are more overweight people in America than average-weight people. So overweight people are now average, which means, you have met your New Year’s resolution.

Good resolutions are simply checks that men draw on a bank where they have no account.

Never tell your resolution beforehand, or it’s twice as onerous a duty.

The only way to spend New Year’s Eve is either quietly with friends or in a brothel. Otherwise when the evening ends and people pair off, someone is bound to be left in tears.

New Year’s Day: Now is the accepted time to make your regular annual good resolutions. Next week you can begin paving hell with them as usual.

Many people look forward to the New Year for a new start on old habits.

An optimist stays up until midnight to see the New Year in. A pessimist stays up to make sure the old year leaves.

New Year’s Eve: Where auld acquaintance be forgot…Unless, of course, those tests come back positive!

The object of a new year is not that we should have a new year. It is that we should have a new soul.

It wouldn’t be New Year’s if I didn’t have regrets.

Ever new year is the direct descendant, isn’t it, of a long line of proven criminals?

New Year’s Resolution: To tolerate fools more gladly, provided this does not encourage them to take up more of my time.

I made no resolutions for the New Year. The habit of making plans, of criticizing, sanctioning and molding my life, is too much of a daily event for me.

Youth is when you’re allowed to stay up late on New Year’s Eve. Middle age is when you’re forced to.

A dog’s New Year’s Resolution: I will not chase that stick unless I actually see it leave his hand!

Here’s to the bright New Year, and a fond farewell to the old; here’s to the things that are yet to come, and to the memories that we hold.

People are so worried about what they eat between Christmas and the New Year, but they really should be worried about what they eat between the New Year and Christmas.

A new year is unfolding – like a blossom with petals curled tightly concealing the beauty within.

Let us not drink to the past, but to the future.

The new year begins in a snow-storm of white vows.

The New Year, like an Infant Heir to the whole world, was waited for, with welcomes, presents, and rejoicings.

For last year’s words belong to last year’s language And next year’s words await another voice. And to make an end is to make a beginning.

Be at war with your vices; at peace with your neighbors, and let every new year find you a better man.

A happy New Year! Grant that I
May bring no tear to any eye
When this New Year in time shall end
Let it be said I’ve played the friend,
Have lived and loved and labored here,
And made of it a happy year.

Glory to God in highest heaven,
Who unto man His Son hath given;
While angels sing with tender mirth,
A glad new year to all the earth.

Ring out the old, ring in the new,
Ring, happy bells, across the snow
The year is going, let him go;
Ring out the false, ring in the true.

A happy New Year! Grant that I
May bring no tear to any eye
When this New Year in time shall end
Let it be said I’ve played the friend,
Have lived and loved and labored here,
And made of it a happy year.

For last year’s words belong to last year’s language and next year’s words await another voice. And to make an end is to make a beginning.

No one ever regarded the First of January with indifference. It is that from which all date their time, and count upon what is left. It is the nativity of our common Adam.

We will open the book.  Its pages are blank.  We are going to put words on them ourselves.  The book is called Opportunity and its first chapter is New Year’s Day.

For last year’s words belong to last year’s language
And next year’s words await another voice.
And to make an end is to make a beginning.

Be always at war with your vices, at peace with your neighbors, and let each new year find you a better man.